Specifically about Dads

Dads. When did being a good dad become acting like a mum? Think about that for a minute. 

There was a movie recently that referred to the Father as a “Farmy”! Really? Father crossed with taking care of his kids is called a Farmy? Father who acts like a Mommy? How did this happen? A dad should not have to feel weird about acting like a dad.

Mr Mum.  Where did this come from? A dad who takes care of his child, is a dad, not a male mother. Yeah, yeah, we hear it all the time. 'A mum has breast milk and gave birth, so she should be the primary care-giver and stay with the child and take care of them untill they are school age, and then she might think about going ‘back to work, part-time’'.  Such a common misconception. But, last time I checked, breastfeeding is generally accepted in Western cultures until the child is 1 years old, and then maybe a night time ‘feed’ until they are 18months or so.  That time frame may differ between household, but it is rare you see a 4-5 year old breastfeeding anymore. So why is it up to Mother to be the main care-giver? Anyway, I digress. 

There is no reason a dad should be made to feel embarrassed or awkward caring for his child.  No one would point out a mother pushing a pram and say, ‘Oh how nice of you to get the baby out of the house for a while – lovely to see a mum with her baby, giving Dad a break. Aww blessss…’

When you do see a Dad with his kids, how easy is it to assume he is following orders from a strung out mum who is at her wits end with kids and their behavior whilst being swamped with chores and needs him to ‘GET THEM OUT!’

There is no reason a Dad can’t think to himself that, god forbid, he might actually want to spend time with his kids! And yet, at the park, he feels the watchful eye of the ‘mummy pack’ as he takes a picture of his kids playing nicely together (for a change!).  They are making memories together.  He is about to message this photo to his wife, but he’s asked what the hell he thinks he’s doing using photography in a public place (who knows what he’ll do with it, right?!). Meanwhile, the next mum is uploading 17 photos to Facebook!

When a dad is made to feel like this, it’s taking away from his role, responsibility, and love for his child/children. We are being told everywhere that ‘kids need a Father Figure’ in their lives.  The harsh reality is that many children grow up without a father.  This is why society is always saying they ‘need male primary school teachers’.  This is why there are big brother/little brother programs. This is one reason people send their kids to Scouts, or join them up to sporting clubs etc. When kids grow up unbalance adults, society is quick to blame it on them not have a reliable ‘Father Figure’ to depend on or lead them by example.

You can’t have it both ways. 

If a kid is lucky enough to have a dad around, let’s encourage that family when we see them out. Let’s call him ‘Dad’, because that’s what he is.  Let’s not call him ‘Mr Mum’ for changing that nappy, or ‘Farmy’ because he took his kid to play group. Let dads be dads.